I took a break. From my baby. From my love. I took a break from the boy that I love and I pray to God that when I decide to go back he'll still want me. It's killing me. I didn't want to, but he left me no other choice. He was leaving me with no dignity. He was saying he cared but he wasn't showing it. It was so good before. It's not supposed to go bad so soon. I do love him, though. Flo keeps asking me how I can fall in love in 4 months. Love has no time frame, no set of rules. You can't decide when, how or with who it's going to happen. You just have to be open to it happening. So many things are going trhough my mind right now, that I don't even know what to think, say or do. The last couple of hours have all been one big blur. I know a lot of things happened, but I honestly don't remember any of it, except that conversation I had with him. He said nothing, as usual. He didn't even try to fight it. He didn't try to change my mind, he didn't try to convince me or anything. He just said he rexpected my decision. Yay for me. I always said that I would never stay with a person who was abusing me. But this is some sort of abuse, too. Emotional. Not physical, not mental, not verbal. Emotional. I am hurting so much, but I hurt even more when I have to stress everyday about why the fuck he's doing what he does to me. I can't do it anymore. I can't. Sorry. There's a very thin line between love and hate, so maybe I don't really love him. I don't know. I do, though. And I so want to be with him, but I just need him to be sure that he wants to be with me, too. He said "I Love You" when I said bye to him and I said "we'll see." This is crap. Life sucks right now to the nth degree. Grrr @ the world.
Um.. work was ok. Don't remember much.

*****SIGH*****

I'm bouncin, and I'm out son, I gotta leave you alone...

posted @ 12:23 am on 11.12.04